很多人都有這樣的經歷：剛想在飛機上打個盹，前排就響起了震耳欲聾的啼哭；正準備和愛人共享燭光晚餐，隔壁桌的一只小肉手就伸進了你的盤子。不論在任何公共場所，熊孩子有辦法讓你興致盡失，甚至還會引發大人之間爭吵。為了讓客人享受愜意的環境，不被熊孩子打擾，一些商家不得不掛出滑稽的惡搞警告牌，提醒家長看管好自己的孩子。

There's nothing quite like a child's shrill scream to ruin the atmosphere when you're enjoying a relaxing restaurant meal.
當你正在餐廳悠閑地享受美食時，沒有比小孩的尖叫聲更加破壞氣氛的了。

Conscious of the needs of their child-free customers, staff at these establishments have put up spoof signs warning parents of dire consequences if they fail to keep their kids in check.
考慮到沒有小孩的客人們的需求，一些場所的工作人員掛出惡搞標語，以警告父母不看管好自己小孩的可怕后果。

From threatening to give noisy little ones coffee or teaching them to swear to selling them to the circus, the tongue in cheek posters are a reminder that diners prefer children to be seen, and not heard...
這些威脅包括給吵鬧的孩子咖啡或教他們罵人、把他們賣給馬戲團，滑稽的標語提醒著人們用餐者并不希望未見其人便聞童音……

A restaurant sign, left outside, warns customers that unattended children will be given coffee and taught to swear.
一家餐廳外擺放的標示告誡顧客，無人看管的孩子將得到咖啡并學習罵人。

A warning sign says that children not kept in check will in fact be sold to the circus
一則警示標志寫道真的會將無人看管的孩子賣給馬戲團。

A lot of parents might just be tempted to take this establishment up on their offer to trade in children for tasty donuts.
很多父母可能都想在這里把孩子換成美味的甜甜圈。

If your child disappears from view then they might just be turned into a pie at this restaurant.
如果你的孩子從你的視線中消失了，那么他們可能變成了這家餐廳的餡餅。

Parents brave enough to take noisy kids along to a restaurant could end up going home without them.
敢把吵鬧的孩子帶到這間飯店的父母可以不用帶著孩子回家啦。

A notice to all children makes it clear that there will be no crying or screaming in their establishment at any time - and that goes for the grown ups too.
這張警示明確告訴所有小朋友，此地任何時候都禁止哭喊吵鬧，而這一點對成年人同樣適用。

A grill house says that naughty children will be turned into burgers while another says that unattended children will be given wild promises about what Santa Claus will bring them
一家燒烤店揚言熊孩子會被做成漢堡，而另一間店鋪稱，他們將對無人看管的孩子胡亂許諾圣誕老人會帶給他們的禮物。

A lot of children might start running away from their parents if they realise that they might be given a free kitten as a result.
如果意識到自己可能會得到一只小貓，那么很多孩子可能會從父母身邊溜走。

Do you want your children to be served as sausage? Don't let them out of your sight in this establishment if not.
你希望自己的孩子被做成香腸嗎？如果不想，那就不要讓他們離開你的視線。

Oaklands welcomes customers but warns that naughty children will be composted if they run in the garden nursery.
Oaklands歡迎客人光臨，但是同時警告如果熊孩子在花園的苗圃中亂跑，那么他們將被制成肥料。

英文來源：每日郵報
翻譯&編輯：董靜
審校：yaning