媽媽們的交友之道“教壞”青少年

Teens mirror negative features of mom’s friendships

中國日報網 2013-12-13 15:56

The manner by which a mother interacts with her friends serves as a role model for how an adolescent child develops his/her own peer friendships.

Unfortunately, teens often pick up on the negative elements in a relationship, such as conflict and antagonism, and then copy these attitudes into their own relationships.

The new study investigated a previously understudied association —how a parent’s friendships influence the emotional well-being of their adolescent children.

For the study, doctoral student Gary Glick and Amanda Rose, Ph.D., studied the development of friendships and other peer relationships during adolescence and their impact on psychological adjustment.

They found that adolescents may mimic the negative characteristics of their mothers’ relationships in their own peer-to-peer friendships suggesting that mothers can serve as role models for their adolescents during formative years.

Additional findings suggest that adolescents internalize their reactions to their mothers’ conflict with adult friends which may lead to anxietyand depression.

Previous research of this type focused on elementary-aged children, but MU researchers wanted to expand their study to focus on the formative adolescent years.

Youth ranging in age from 10 to 17 and their mothers were polled separately to measure perceived positive and negative friendship qualities in both groups.

Results showed that positive friendship qualities were not always imitated by adolescents; however, negative and antagonistic relationship characteristics exhibited by mothers were much more likely to be mimicked by the youth studied.

“We know that conflict is a normal part of any relationship —be it a relationship between a parent and a child, or a mother and her friends —and we’re not talking physical altercations but verbal conflicts,” Glick said.

“But being exposed to high levels of such conflict generally isn’t going to be good for children. Parents should consider whether they are good role models for their children especially where their friends are concerned. When things go awry, parents should talk with their children about how to act with their friends, but more specifically, how not to act.”

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媽媽們與朋友之間的相處方式，在一定程度上是給未成年孩子們處理自己同齡人間友情的一種示范。

不幸的是，青少年往往會挑出那些處理友情的消極做法，比如鬧別扭，對著干，然后把這些消極的態度搬到自己的友情處理模式中。

新的一項研究調查表明，過去一項并未被充分研究的問題——家長的交友模式是如何影響他們的未成年孩子原本存在的純潔情感的。

在讀博士加里格里克和哲學博士阿曼達後瑟對于青少年如何處理友情的不同階段發展變化、其他同齡青少年的交友方式及其對心理調適的影響，進行了研究和分析。

他們在研究中發現，青少年模仿媽媽們在交友處理問題上一些不好的做法然后照搬到自己的交友模式中，這也同樣表明了媽媽們在交友之道上對孩子們起到的模范作用是十分重要的。

另外研究還發現，青少年孩子們面對媽媽們與成年朋友間的一些爭執和對立產生的心理反應和采取的內心回應致使他們出現消沉和焦慮的心理癥狀。

以前對于這個問題的研究集中在了小學學齡的兒童上，研究學者們希望把研究對象擴大并集中在青春期形成階段的青少年們。

專家們對一些10到17歲的青少年進行實驗研究，并將他們的母親分開實驗，在兩組中分別地紀錄了一些她們積極和消極的交友做法。

實驗結果顯示，積極的關系處理做法并不總是被青少年們采納；然而，消極的關系處理做法，甚至是一些對立關系的做法卻更容易被孩子們模仿和接受。

“我們都知道爭執矛盾是任何人物關系中很正常的一部分－不論是家長和孩子的關系中還是母親們的交友關系中－我們不是在說身體上的爭執而是言語上的對立。” 博士格里克這樣講道。

“然而如此過激的對立暴露在孩子們面前是十分不可取的，這樣對孩子百害無一利。家長們的應該考慮到自身的所作所為、言談舉止是否成為孩子們的榜樣和示范，特別是當他們學到的舉止言行影響到交友和朋友的關系上的時候。當發現苗頭不對，家長應該和孩子們進行談心，告訴他們該如何對待朋友，更重要的是，什么是不該做的。

（譯者劉曉蒙編輯丹妮）

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