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When parents meet parents
"My daughter is a hardworking employee in a foreign firm. As the years go by, she's still all by herself," said Mrs. He, mother of a 29-year-old daughter, growing more anxious each day for her girl's marriage. "But she doesn't seem to mind being alone!" Marriages in China were usually arranged by parents before the New China was founded in 1949. Unexpectedly, parents are working to revive the old tradition for their children who simply have no time to date, especially the well-educated and highly-paid. Recently, Mrs. He joined hundreds of other parents just like her at Zhongshan (Sun Yat-Sen) Park, neighboring Tiananmen Square, looking for the Mr. Right for her only girl.
"About 1,000 parents gathered there over the weekend," said Mrs. Gu, an organizer, on Wednesday. According to the Chinese Lunar Calendar, which is about a month behind the Gregorian Calendar, "Valentine's Day" for lovers in China also fell on this day. The "Qixi (7th of July) Festival" celebrates a legend more than 2,500 years old about the love between a cowboy and his fairy maid. Legend has it that the couple met once a year on the bridge across the Milky Way built by magpies. Parents like Mrs. He were determined to lead their children to an ideal mate across a "magpie bridge". Mrs. He has been to previous gatherings, but has found very few choices of boys. Like other experienced parents, Mrs. He, doesn't hesitate to execute the FAQs: Is your child a boy or a girl? If the answer was "boy", it would be followed by questions like how old and how tall he is, and how he looks. The parents of an over-30 "bachelor" with a doctorate degree traveled several hundred miles from northeast China to Beijing for the gathering. "We are looking forward to a nice looking girl with a college education and over 160 cm tall." But are these what their daughters and sons really want? Mrs. He's daughter got to know a few nice gentlemen through work, but none of them "seemed to fit." "I'm looking for a man who makes me feel right," she told Xinhua over phone. "If my parents try to decide the future for me, I may not feel happy or independent." Many young people in China believe in serendipity, or "Yuanfen" as they call it. But many put their education or careers before marriage. Though a civil servant, who is 29 and single, understood that his parents were worried, he said, "I don't think deciding a wife for me is a good idea." "I'm going to make up my own mind about which girl I want to be with for the rest of my life." Another 30-year-old girl didn't think that age was still a problem. "Sooner or later, I will run into the love of my life," she said. Many daughters and sons indulge arranged "dates" to not hurt their parent's feelings. Though only in rare cases do dates set by parents work out, the enthusiasm of parents never recedes. Last month, in Hangzhou, a record number of 2,000 parents, with the scorching sun above and cardboard in their hands, gathered to exchange information about their children. Some parents had peculiar attitudes. Designing couples with astrologically compatible birth dates is sometimes a concern. "It's certainly not picking a queen for the emperor," said Gu, referring to a scene back in the days of emperors and concubines (restaged by several films including the 1987 production, "The Last Emperor") in which the luckiest man in the country made a tough choice among over a hundred peerless girls for a queen. In big cities like Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou, instant dates designed for young singles to meet many potential mates at one time have become more popular than ever. A marriage consulting firm even tailors instant-dates to unmarried army officers and girls who are interested in responsible, handsome sergeants. Last month, a Shenzhen migrant worker exceeded her expectation safter marrying a Canadian millionaire. The couple had fallen in love in an online chatroom. This is perhaps the greatest Cinderella story in recent years, and it seems parents are increasingly eager to repeat it.
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