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The hitches in getting hitched
My cousin Chen Jing, two years younger than me, had planned her wedding for May 2 in our childhood home in Jintan, a small county in East China's Jiangsu Province, and asked me to be her bridesmaid.
On Spring Festival Eve, 4-year-old Chen Jing in looking for a pretty piece of cloth to make a new dress for her doll, unknowingly snipped a piece off the new dress that grandma was making for me. During our early teenage years, we both became pop music fans. Chen Jing, my loyal follower, always thought I had the hottest tapes. Once I bought a tape but soon found it was not the one I wanted, so I told her how good it was and she happily bought it from me. Later I left home to go to university. She regularly wrote to me, talking about literature, romance and the kind of life she dreamed of - all things that I thought were far beyond her simple country girl's ken. Four years ago, she wrote to tell me that she was in love but did not share more experience with me. But anyway, I was on my way to her wedding. My work as the bridesmaid started the day before the wedding.
When we arrived at uncle Minmin's home, he and his wife were already busy with the wedding preparations. They had also invited two 60-year-old women to help arrange things according to the old customs. One of the elderly women was making a quilt for the new couple. It was not your common quilt. The cover was of scarlet satin elaborately embroidered with 100 colourful little boys gamboling about in different pursuits. The little boys are a symbol of fecundity, expressing the wish that the family will have sons and a rich progeny. Aunt Shuzhen was preparing special food for the next day, the day of the wedding, while discussing with the elderly women all the things that still needed to be done. Then with Dai at the wheel, the bride-to-be, aunt Huahua and I went on a shopping spree, with a list of necessities that the old women had given us. It included a red paper-cut of the "double happiness" Chinese character, pronounced xi, some red ribbons, popcorn, chopsticks, a red suitcase, a couple of dolls and some children's socks, shoes and hats. Chen Jing was excited and anxious about everything. At the counter for paper-cuts, she carefully compared all the double-happiness paper cuts: the simple double-happiness character, the character set within a heart, double-happiness between two fish, which to the Chinese means abundant wealth, and many others. Holding up one in her right hand and another in her left, she asked me which one I liked best, but put down the one in her right hand to take up another before I had a chance to answer. In the end she bought one of each of the patterns.
After finishing shopping in the late afternoon, we went to decorate their new home. Aunt Huahua stuck the red double-happiness paper-cuts on every door and window in the house, on the TV set, the refrigerator, the computer, the kitchen cupboards and anywhere else there was an empty, flat surface. Then Dai and aunt Huahua returned to Jintan. I accompanied Chen Jing to the special wedding store where she would go the next morning to try on the two wedding dresses she had rented for the wedding ceremony and banquet. At the wedding eve, I shared the bed with Chen Jing at uncle Minmin's home. It was a bed I knew very well. In our primary school years, I spent many summer vacations at Chen Jing's home, sharing the same bed. Before going to bed, she checked over the dress and pair of red shoes she would wear on the following morning, had a good bath and put on an SK-II beauty mask. From the bed I kidded her, "Do you really expect to turn into a pretty woman overnight by using a beauty mask?" She smiled behind the mask and said, "On your own wedding eve, you will understand how I feel this evening." "So exactly how do you feel?" I asked. She turned her back to me, saying, "Well, we'd better get some sleep now. We have to get up very early tomorrow." After a long silence, when I had almost fallen asleep, she burst out, "I have counted thousands of sheep, but I am still wide awake." Her bridegroom was obviously caught up in the same kind of anxiety. By midnight, he'd already made two calls to Chen Jing to check on things for the following wedding day. The next morning at about 5, uncle Minmin woke us up. After a brief breakfast, Chen Jing and I took a taxi to the store. We arrived at a quarter to 6, but the store was already crowded with brides. They look like products on an assembly line: some were putting on their dresses, some were getting made up, and others were getting the finishing touches on their hairdos. Impressed by the busy and interesting scene, even I, who had no plans for a luxurious and complex wedding, would like to try such a professional sequence of services. Chen Jing was eager to jump into the fray immediately. First, we grabbed the large box with her name on it, which contained the two dresses she had rented. I helped her put on the long floor-length sleeveless white dress. It was so tight she had to take a deep breath before I could close the zipper on the back. It reminded me of how the old African-American nurse dresses Scarlet in "Gone with the Wind." Then she was asked to sit down in front of a mirror. Two young attendants curled her hair while another one applied foundation cream on her face, neck, bosom and arms. Then she was passed on to another make-up attendant to have her face done. After that, a hairstylist coiled her hair and decorated it with pink lilies and roses. Chen Jing enjoyed the whole process, while I took photos of her during every stage. Now and then she looked at the mirror and asked me, "How is my lip colour?" or "Does the hairstyle fit my face shape?" or "Do I look pretty?" I stood on her right at one moment, then on her left, then back again, always answering "yes," "yes," "yes." While getting made up, Chen Jing did not forget to contact her fiance by cell-phone. He and the best man were having the cars decorated at a flower boutique. An hour and 10 minutes later, everything was done. Chen Jing sat rigid near the door waiting for the car to pick us up and drive us home. While waiting, I helped her put on the pearl earrings and necklace. At half past 8, a car arrived to take us to uncle Minmin's home where our younger cousins Lulu and Haohao were waiting. They and I would represent the Chen family in accompanying the bride to her new home. Ten minutes later, the bridegroom and best man arrived. Uncle Minmin and aunt Shuzhen entertained them with eggs and sweet soup made of jujubes and glutinous rice. Journey to the new home Then amidst a thunderous burst of firecrackers, the bridegroom and the bride went out of her home to the car. Traditionally at this point, the bride and her mother should cry. The bride because she is sad to leave her home and will miss her parents, and the mother to show her wish that her daughter will love her husband, be good to her parents-in-law and take care of her sisters- and brothers-in-law. But nowadays, few do this. Following the new couple, cousin Haohao carried a red chamber pot in which aunt Shuzhen had placed jujubes, peanuts, longans, eggs and some chopsticks. According to the traditional custom, the bride's younger brother carries the chamber pot containing these things symbolizing the hope that the new couple will have a baby soon. Cousin Lulu carried a red suitcase in which there was popcorn and some money. The popcorn is a symbol meaning that the new family will flourish, while the money, called yaxiangqian, meaning "money at the bottom of a suitcase," is given by the mother to her daughter. In ancient China, women were not financially independent, so when they married and moved to the man's home, their mothers would give them some money as financial support. We, as part of the bride's family, along with some of the bridegroom's relatives, accompanied the newly-weds to their new home in cars. Before we arrived, an elderly woman aunt Shuzhen had invited had made up the new marriage bed, hiding some eggs, peanuts and walnuts inside the new quilt and putting the dolls, the socks, shoes and hat for their children on the quilt. Originally, the eggs were dyed red, but now, because of health factors and convenience, the eggs have a small double-happiness character pasted on them. While making the bed, the elderly lady is supposed to say auspicious things about the marriage. As we arrived at the new apartment, the noise of firecrackers burst out again. Two bundles of dried sesame stocks and wheat straw tied with red ribbon were set afire at the main door of the building to symbolize the prosperity of the newly-weds in the future. The bride must walk between the two blazing bundles. The bridegroom's parents were waiting for us at the apartment and they gave each of us from the bride's family a red paper bag with gift money. The bride called the bridegroom's parents "Mum" and "Dad" and served each of them a cup of tea. And the old couple gave her a "big" packet of money. Then all of us drove to Jintan for an 18-table banquet in a luxurious hotel. At half past 11, the new couple stood at the entrance of the hotel to receive the relatives and friends attending the banquet. Chen Jing stood like an elegant statue, with a sweet smile fixed on her face and a bouquet of roses in her hands. I dutifully stood beside her to accept the gifts or gift money packets for her. When all the guests were seated, the bride and bridegroom stepped into the banquet hall. The master of ceremonies invited them and their parents onto a stage. The bridegroom's father gave a short but emotional speech on behalf of both parents, saying, "We welcome you to my son's wedding... My son is lucky to marry such a smart and pretty girl and we love our new daughter-in-law very much. We hope they lead a happy life forever." Following the directions of the master of ceremonies, the new couple bowed to the guests, then to the parents and finally to each other. Then they proposed a toast while embracing one another. Now it was time to enjoy the banquet, but not for the bride and I. I had to leave the hall to help her change into the second dress. And then she and the bridegroom went to each table to make hundreds of toasts. Introductions were made as the bride and the bridegroom learned about each other's relatives. The best man and I followed them around, each of us holding a silver plate receive the red-paper packets and adding wine to the bride and bridegroom's glasses for their toasts. The elderly relatives were kind but the younger relatives and friends of the new couple were by no means easy to deal with. They played many tricks on the newly-weds and tried their best to get them drunk. At one table, they were asked to bite a quail's egg at the same time. The small egg was hung on a thread held by a third person. At another table, a friend stood on his seat with a cigarette between his lips. The bridegroom was asked to hold the bride up to light the cigarette. The man held his head up very high to make it as difficult as possible for the bride to light the cigarette. The ceremony exhausted the new couple and frightened me. At the wedding dress store, I had dreamed of my wedding, but at the banquet, I made up my mind not to hold such a ceremony. I believed that the two happiest persons at the banquet were cousins Lulu and Haohao, who shared the table with the new couple, the bridegroom's parents, the best man and I. While all of us were kept busy shuttling between the tables, the two kids overstuffed themselves, eating enough for all of us. |
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